Do your kids make fun of you?
Hopefully the teasing is lighthearted and gentle in nature.
The jokes usually tend to tease out deeper family dynamics.
When the children are younger it may reflect the embarrassment they feel due to our behavior (teens anyone).
When they are older the trading may reflect that they secretly appreciate the family quirks but are not quite ready to embrace it.
Hence the teasing is hopefully in good fun.
One of the areas that’s gotten a great deal of response in our family is what has become known as the “bless-fest”.
When we part from our children or grandchildren we give them a blessing.
We learned this custom from our Rabbi and mentor.
We saw that when he was saying goodbye to his offspring, he would always send them off with a blessing.
It’s really a powerful idea.
Our children go out into the world and encounter all types of challenges. We have the opportunity to arm them as best as we can with positive upbringing, instilling good values, teaching them to look both ways before they cross…and also with a blessing.
Can’t hurt.
Certainly makes them feel like we love them.
But sometimes it’s annoying.
Especially when many of them are leaving at the same time, or if they are in a hurry.
Hence the “light hearted” teasing.
But they’ve come to expect it.
And hopefully like it.

It’s the last night of Chanukah.
I want to give you a gift.
The gift is one that is handed down to us from the first Chanukah and it is relevant to each and everyone of us.
Our Sages actually instituted the holiday of Chanukah a year after the events that occurred.
Why did they wait a year?
In our long Jewish story there are many miracles that have taken place.
Yet we don’t have a holiday commemorating each one.
How did the Sages pick the ones that got memorialized?
Each holiday has a special energy that is created. If that spiritual energy becomes palpable and part and parcel of that time, the Sages understood it was to become a holiday.
Therefore, a year later, one year after the holiday of miracles, the Sages understood that the quality of the miraculous was still present and so Chanukah was established.
Every year at this time we feel
the power of the miraculous and we need to tap into it.
There was a story that went viral last year on Chanukah.
A young man by the name of Tamir Hershkowitz returned to his parent’s home in Kibbutz Beeri. Tamir’s parents were brutally murdered in the attack on October 7 and their house set aflame. It burned and smoldered for three days. When the fire was finally extinguished, Tamir went looking among the ruins to see if there was any items to salvage. Remarkably enough, there was a Menora which survived. So, on Chanukah, Tamir went back to the remnants of his home and lit the Menora.
He said it was very important that the light emanating from the house should not be one of destruction, but one of hope and promise.

Chanukah is the story of the unexpected victory of a rag tag army over a super power. When the Jews overcame the Greek army they returned to the Temple to find it had been desecrated by the occupying army. The Priests began the process of cleaning up and restoring in order to again do the Temple service. The first order of business was to once again begin lighting the Menora.
Unfortunately, all the containers which stored the oil were defiled by the Greeks and were not fit for use. During the cleanup of the Temple, one cruse or vial of pure oil was discovered. There was tremendous excitement as now it would be possible to once again light the Menora.
But there was another glitch.
One cruse of oil would only be sufficient to light the Menora for one day. It would take eight days to make new oil.
The dilemma was should they light the Menora?
There was only enough for one day, why light if the next seven days there would be no light?
This is actually a very deep question.
If you would have been there what would you have done?
Would you have lit the oil?
Would you light a Menorah without anyone rational chance of continuing forward?
How many of us would have lit the light.
It just wasn’t enough.
Sometimes we don’t feel “enough”.
Do we wake up a little late and it ruins the day for us as we feel that we haven’t shown up as we should.
Or, do we have expectations for ourselves and we are so hard on ourselves if we don’t meet that impossibly high bar we have set, we feel there is no point in even trying.
Instead of shining our light, shining the light that Gd has given us, we sit in self imposed darkness because we are not enough, or there won’t be enough for us to make an impact.

This week’s Torah portion is called VaYeshev. The title alludes to the fact that Jacob just wanted some peace. His life had been full of much drama and now he just wanted some calm and serenity.
Unfortunately it was not the plan.
The next four portions talk about Jacob’s son Joseph and there is much drama indeed.
The portion begins with the list of Jacob’s progeny and immediately informs us that of all the children, Joseph was the favorite.
This is a reality born of tragedy.
Jacob had met his intended Rachel and wanted to marry her. But her father tricked Jacob into marrying her older sister Leah. Although Jacob and Rachel married next, there ended up being four wives in the equation.
The child of his beloved was Joseph. And the other children felt the pain of not being the child of the favored mother.
Jacob sees there is disharmony in his family.
Jacob wants to repair the relationships.
As parents we can relate. Every parent’s most fervent wish is that their children get along.
We can overlook many egregious mistakes that the children make if they are kind to one another.
Even Gd “feels” that way.
The first Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed as a punishment because the Jews had committed the three cardinal sins of idol worship, murder and licentiousness.
Despite those grievous sins, the Temple was rebuilt a mere 70 years later after the Jews repented.
The second Temple however has still not been restored because it was destroyed due to the hatred one Jewish had for another.
That is something we still struggle with today, and until we repair that breach, we will remain in exile.
Jacob sent his son out to look for his brothers, to see if they were well, to inquire if they were at peace.
It seems Jacob is literally throwing Joseph to the wolves, sending him after his brothers who harbored such ill feelings toward Joseph. They hated him and could not speak to him in peace.
Maimonides teaches us that when a person is sinned against, the injured party should not hold hate in the heart, but should rather speak to the offender and begin a conversation.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks says
“Conversation is a form of conflict resolution, whereas the breakdown of speech is often a prelude to violent revenge.”
If there is conversation there is an opportunity to recognize another’s humanity.
This was Jacob’s hope.
If only the brothers could speak to one another perhaps there was a chance for rapprochement.
Jacob sent Joseph on a peace finding mission.
But it was not to be.
The force of the hatred was so powerful that no opportunity was given for interaction.
“They saw him from afar”
The brothers never allowed themselves to come close to Joseph and create an opportunity to repair.

When my parents got married they moved to Tokyo. My Father was tasked with the management of the Tokyo branch of his company. This is how two German Jews, one who grew up in Israel and the other who was raised in London, ended up for a five year stint in the Far East. It was not an easy posting. My parents had to ship Kosher frozen meat from the States twice a year. Getting the accoutrements for Jewish living was challenging. One year, the Matza that had been ordered for Passover was stuck in customs until a few hours before the holiday.
Being an observant Jew in Japan held many challenges but was also the grist for many a story.
One of my Father’s favorite stories happened a few years into their sojourn.
My Father got a frantic call from a young American observant Jewish man who was in Kobe Japan for business. He and his new bride had come to Kobe for a few months to engage in the pearl trade. As they were setting up their home they wanted to take their dishes and little cooking utensils to the Mikva, a ritual pool. This is a Jewish law that certain items coming in contact with food need to be immersed in a ritual pool prior to use. Since the closest Mikva was in Tokyo, this young couple took advantage of the fact that a natural body of water is also used for this purpose, and they had gone down to the pier to immerse their dishes. Shortly after they began dunking the dishes they heard a loud commotion and were shocked to see a horde of police headed their way. The police were shouting and brandishing their weapons and the couple was arrested and taken in to custody. Unfortunately, their Japanese was close to nonexistent and they were frightened and did not know what they had done to deserve arrest. I suppose that the Japanese also allow one phone call because the young man did exactly what I would’ve done under this circumstance, and called my Dad. My Father was fluent in Japanese and was known by the visiting foreign businessmen as a resource in times of need.
So this man, Mr. Green, called my Dad in a panic. My Father told him to put the officer on the line. The policeman explained that there had been a rash of sabotage occurring at the pier. Boats were being targeted by what he called “plate bombs”, bombs that were flat discs and resembled plates. Nefarious characters were taking these plate bombs and planting on the hulls of ships which would then detonate and cause serious damage. When they saw the young couple dunking the dishes, the authorities assumed the worst and thought they had caught the saboteurs.
Now my Father was in a bind. How was he going to explain the very strange and bizarre behavior of his compatriots?
And then he came upon the exact words to convince the police of the innocence of the couple. He explained that they were doing a water purification ritual. When the police heard that they apparently started smiling. In Shintoism there is a concept of water purification rituals and my Dad was literally speaking their language. They understood the concept, had a good laugh and allowed the couple out of their cell.
This was no laughing matter.
A few minutes later and the couple would have been charged with espionage, an offense punishable with death.
Hard to imagine that a few dishes could wreak such havoc?!?

There is a sweet, poignant story which always moves me.
There was a very famous Torah scholar who was well renowned and highly respected. He adjucated many legal cases in Jewish law and was known for his extensive knowledge. One evening he was studying and was distracted by the sounds of children crying. After a while the crying did not abate. He closed his books and went off in search of the source. He ran up and down his street till he finally identified the apartment from whence the crying was emanating. It was an apartment one flight up. The Rabbi ran up the stairs but the door was locked and no one answered his knocks. He started talking to the children through the door and couldn’t calm them. Immediately he ran down the steps and came back with a ladder. The Rabbi climbed the ladder, appeared at the window of the apartment and proceeded to sing, tell stories to calm the crying children. The parents eventually came home and were shocked to see the face of the holy sage framed in their window and their children grouped around him listening raptly.
(Don’t focus on why the children were left alone. That’s for another story.)
This is a story of how a man knew how to use a ladder to connect to those in need.
He came down from his holy pinnacle yes, but he ascended to meet them where they were.
In this weeks Torah portion, Vayetze, which means and he left, Jacob leaves home running for his life. He is escaping from his brother Esau who has threatened to kill him. It is a very dark and lonely time for Jacob. His future is shaky and uncertain. While on his journey he stops to rest and dreams of a ladder on which angels ascend and descend.
Jacob authors the prayer of Arvit, Maariv, or the Evening prayer at this time. It’s a prayer that acknowledges the challenges of dark times and the potential for light and faith to guide us through.
It is actually only from a dark and scary place of tears and fears that faith can break through and provide a beacon of light.
Light can only be perceived in the dark.
So Jacob paves a path for us. He shows us that even when things look so bleak and uncertain, faith can dispel the darkness.
Nachmanides writes that the ladder Jacob saw was a symbol of the connection transversed from Jacob’s present to his future, providing the vehicle to bring him from a scary circumstance towards a better tomorrow.
Rabbi Judah Mischel reminds us that our own lives our steps on a shaky ladder, a ladder of faith that sometimes teeters.
When you go up or down a ladder there is that moment when your foot is in the air, helplessly grasping for purchase and not knowing if one will be found. Yet we take those dizzying steps and chances again and again as we take on new challenges or cope with the fear of reaching new heights.
When we climb those rungs, we are following the steps of our Patriarch Jacob who taught us that climbing a ladder is a leap of faith and also a necessary skill in the game of life.

This week’s Torah portion is entitied Toldot and true to its name it gives us a glimpse into the Toldot or offspring of Isaac and Rebecca.
This portion is a manual in child rearing. Long before Dr. Becky, renowned child psychologist, the Torah is modeling how parents can connect to their children.
The Torah describes the twin boys born to Isaac and Rebecca. One son, Jacob, is studious and focused, an intellectual who sits in the tent of study. The second twin is Esau and he is the polar opposite. Esau is a hunter, a man of the field whose activities tend to be dubious at best.
Yet the Torah reports that Isaac loved Eisav because he brought him food.
This is a statement that requires analysis.
Isaac was a highly spiritual individual, the one chosen to be sacrificed on an altar, could he really love the wicked Eisav because he knew how to provide succulent steak?
Our Sages teach us that Isaac was very much aware of Eisav’s true nature
He recognized that Eisav was struggling in his faith.
Isaac realized the only way he could make an impact on Eisav was to build a relationship and connect with him. He realized that if he could find common ground and show Eisav that he was truly interested in Eisav’s passions he could create a bond between them.
Isaac understood that Eisav enjoyed hunting so he asked Eisav to go to the prairie and rustle up some vittles.
Rabbi Avi Fishoff in his book Raising Royalty explains that by making Eisav his personal chef, Isaac now had many avenues of conversation to share.
“Constant dialogue…constant compliments…constant connection.”
Rabbi Fishoff shares a story of a Dad who was struggling to connect to his son who was engaging in behaviors that were not appropriate. The Dad took stock of all his son’s interests and realized that bodybuilding was one of his most serious passions. The Dad approached his son and told him that his doctor had advised a 20 pound weight loss for health purposes (that was true). The Dad said to his son, “this is serious, I don’t know what to do. I would like to hire you to be my personal trainer to help me reach my goal.”
The son agreed and through the process of losing 20 lbs (which the Dad achieved) he also created a fun, meaningful and growth oriented connection with his son, a connection that had eluded him til now.
The Dad needed to use his wisdom to tap into where his son was at and use that as a vehicle to open the channels of communication.

Last Shabbat we were in Cincinnati for our grandson’s Bar Mitzva.
Thank Gd when it rains it pours and we are grateful for the blessings.
At one point during the Shabbat I left the building and when I wanted to return I realized I was locked out.
I knocked on the door but no one was around on that level and the situation looked bleak.
Then I noticed a little piece of paper glued to the glass door.
In Hebrew it gave clues to the door code.
The first sentence said Gd is __
The second sentence said
There are ___patriarchs
The third sentence said
There are ____matriarchs
And the fourth sentence said
There are ____tablets that were given at Sinai.
If you know, you know!
Plug in the right numbers and voila you open the door!
Numbers are on my mind.
Today is Day 412 of this interminable war.
This past week the IDF reported that the 800th soldier had fallen.
800!
That’s a huge number.
So many bereft parents, children and family members.
When you hear a number it is hard to relate to the individuals who make up that number.
It is only through the personal stories that we get glimpses of that allow us to put a name to that number.
We never will allow our people to just become numbers.
That’s what the Nazis did to us.
So I read voraciously about each and every person.
The husband who sent a love note and flowers to his wife for Shabbat, only to have them arrive after his death.
Or the parents who extol the loving child who made it his priority to care for a developmentally delayed child in his community, sharing his precious free time generously.
Or our very own Dekel Swissa zl who was saving money to write a Torah scroll.
Stories of soldiers who are injured in battle and therefore exempt from service, who insist on returning to their comrades and to the battlefield as soon as they are cleared medically.

Yesterday was my Dad’s 12th Yahrzeit.
It’s so hard to believe that he has been gone for such a long time.
My Father zl was a larger than life person. He was an accomplished Torah scholar and a successful businessman. He garnered the respect of so many people.
There are many exceptional qualities that my Father embodied and so many lessons that I learned from him. As I get older, I’m still uncovering nuances that I didn’t fully grasp until now.
For example, I recently came to the realization that my Father never looked back.
He was a child of World War 2. While he was spared from the concentration camps as his family emigrated to Palestine in 1933, his whole world was turned upside down. The dreams he had for his future were destroyed as he had to help support the family. They suffered from hunger and other challenges. He lost many extended family members in the Holocaust, and was even arrested by the British for being a spy.
(It was a case of mistaken identity of course, but he was imprisoned and threatened with hanging until he could prove his innocence.)
Despite the complexity of his youth, and many losses he experienced, my Dad kept going. He did not allow those experiences to hold him back from building a family and creating a successful life.
It is easy to allow oneself to get mired in the past and not move forward.
In this week’s Torah portion which is called Vayera, we learn about Lot, nephew of Abraham. Lot grew up in Abraham’s home and journeyed with him.
At a certain point in time, Abraham told Lot that the time had come for them to part ways. This was due to the fact that Lot was not sufficiently meticulous in respecting the property of others. This was evidenced in the fact that Abraham muzzled his camels to make sure his animals would not graze in fields that were not his own. Lot was not careful in this manner and therefore, in this nuanced detail, Abraham recognized a lack of respect for others and decided it was time to part ways.
Lot surveyed the land before him and chose the most verdant of options which was Sodom. He chose the most lush area despite the decadent values of the inhabitants of Sodom.
Sodom was a city of iniquity and by choosing to make it his home, we are afforded another glimpse into Lot’s skewed values.
Gd decides to destroy the city of Sodom and tells Abraham of the plan. Abraham immediately prays for the salvation of Sodom in the hope that there are some worthy of saving, but Abraham is unsuccessful, and the Divine plan to destroy the city unfolds.
Immediately before the city is destroyed, Lot is warned and told he must leave immediately or else, he too, would be caught up in the maelstrom and be destroyed. Just moments before Sodom is destroyed, the angel says to Lot, “Run for your life. Do not look behind you, nor stop anywhere in the Plain; flee to the hills, lest you be swept away.”
The only caveat given to Lot and his family as they escape - don’t look back.
Why were they told not to look back?

We just landed in Connecticut. We are on the way to a Brit.
Our children had a baby boy a week ago, and we are blessed to attend the occasion.
I was struck by the confluence of events.
This Shabbat we will read of the very first Brit that took place when Gd commanded Abraham to circumcise himself
Now our grandchild will follow in those same footsteps as his great grandfather Abraham, participating in a rite of passage that is 4,000 years old.
Our patriarch Abraham had to undergo 10 challenges or tests.
These tests were designed to set Abraham up for success.
In Hebrew a test is called a nisayon.
It’s built upon the word nes.
A nes is a miracle.
A nes is also a flag.
It means that there is something to be noted in that spot, something quite miraculous.
You plant a flag to recognize the ownership of a place.
A nisayon, a challenge, highlights the greatness implanted in a person. It recognizes there is something deep and special that has now come to light.
The nisayon, the test, shines a light on an inner facet of the individual that has heretofore been buried, unexplored.
It gives a whole new context to the idea of a challenge.
We are creatures of comfort.
If you ask someone if they would like to go out of their comfort zone with any type of challenge the response is often
“I’m good”!
But what of all those inner strengths that lie beneath the surface, waiting to be mined and brought to light. Those strengths can actually change a person and in turn change the world.
I often think of the amazing institution called Shalva, located in Jerusalem.
Shalva is a treasure. It is a national gem which supports every family in Israel, be they Jewish, Christian or Muslim, who have a child with special needs.
It was borne of tragedy. A healthy toddler was given a tainted vaccination which left the child deaf, mute and blind. Rather than giving in to despair, his parents began to provide respite care to other families in a similar position. They did this in their own home.
Their desire to help families who were struggling with special needs, as they were, inspired them to create Shalva. This incredible organization is a beacon of light and hope to countless families in Israel.
It was a stop on the Lech Lecha journey of this family.
Lech Lecha means go for yourself.