I was scrolling through my feed.
There was an advertisement for a floor polishing product.
The dialogue that proceeded the pitch said something about a mother in law doing her quiet “judgey” thing whenever she looked at her daughter in law’s scratched up floors.
I can’t tell you the name of the product.
I got stuck on the words “quiet judgey thing”.
I am a mother in law.
I am writing my own playbook because I never had the honor of meeting my husband’s mother.
She passed away a few years before my husband and I met.
Over the years I’ve been taking a lot of notes.
The most notorious piece of advice to a mother in law is to zip your lip and unzip your pocketbook.
That sounds so unflattering, but does sport a kernel of truth.
My favorite mother in law saying is my dear friend who calls her daughter in law her daughter in love.
So it seems the in law relationship has many dimensions.
This week’s Torah portion is called Yisro the man who was Moses father in law.
This man was a high ranking religious leader in his hometown of Midian and he comes to visit the Jewish people.
The Torah portion begins with the words “and Yisro heard”.
We’ve spoken before about the grammatical error of beginning a sentence with the word ‘and’.
The commentaries explain the “and” is connecting us to the events that have proceeded Yisro’s arrival.
He came because he heard something that moved him to action.
First lesson of this portion.
If you are inspired by something - do something.
Yisro was a spiritual man. He spent his life investigating the religions of the world. When he heard about the miraculous splitting of the sea, Yisro wanted to hear more.
When he reunites with his son in law Moses tells Yisro about the miracles and salvation the Jewish people have experienced.
Yisro is so moved he says Baruch Hashem, blessed is Gd for bringing about such miracles.
Yisro is actually credited with being the first person to say Baruch Hashem.
We might wonder about that factoid. After all, didn’t Leah our matriarch name her son Yehuda in gratitude to Hashem, Gd, for the miracle of an additional child?
In fact, we the Jewish people are called Yehudim, those who thank.
So how can we attribute Boruch Hashem to Yisro?
From a practical standpoint Yisro is the first one who coined the phrase and his uttering of said words is inscribed in our Portion. Our Sages teach us that Yisro’s utterance was unique in that he was the first to thank Hashem for someone else’s salvation.
This is taking caring to another level.

This week has been intensely emotional.
The last hostage, Ran Gvili was returned home to be interred in Israel.
Ran was a 24 year old police officer who exhibited extraordinary bravery on October 7, saving the lives of many, neutralizing 14 terrorists before being severely wounded and then abducted into Gaza.
His extraordinary mother Tali said Ran was the first in and the last out.
His body was recovered in a massive military operation code named Operation Brave Heart, which involved hundreds of soldiers, reservists and dentists who were using their expertise to identify Ran’s body.
Hundreds of dead bodies needed to be examined.
Dan was the 250th to be examined and then identified.
There are so many details that surround this story and make it otherworldly.
In Hebrew each letter has a numerical value. If you calculate the value of the letters in Ran’s name those letters equal 250.
As the new broke the media was replete with images of hardened soldiers, covered in their weapons, burying their faces in their hands and weeping openly.
After the operation was concluded soldiers prayed, recited Psalms, sang the age old song of Jewish faith “Ani Maamin, I believe. While commanders quoted verses from this week’s Torah portion.
Why were they reading from our Parsha?
Because this week’s story is an echo of another event that took place thousands of years ago and is reported in the Portion.
The portion narrated that as the Jewish people are preparing to leave Egypt after centuries of oppression and persecution, Moses, their leader, is focused on one task.
He is searching for the bones of Joseph. Joseph had asked for a promise as he was dying. He requested that his bones go out of Egypt with the Jewish nation when they are redeemed.
Where were these holy bones? Why did they need to be searched for and found?
They had been submerged in the Nile river by the Egyptians who viewed Joseph as a good talisman who would protect their precious Nile river, the source of their sustenance.
In the present day, there is a holy covenant between the IDF and her soldiers-no one will be left behind. No matter what it takes, every soldier, dead or alive, will be brought home.
Perhaps this is rooted in the retrieval of the bones of Joseph who was also the first of his family taken hostage to Egypt and now becomes the last to leave.
Sound familiar?
Moses did not know where to find Joseph’s coffin. Rabbanit Yemima Mizrachi highlights the parallels of searching and finding Joseph’s body with the hunt and unearthing of Ran’s.
She posits that behind both of these retrievals stands a woman, who waits patiently for the child to return.
In the case of Joseph it was his niece, Serach, the daughter of Joseph’s brother Asher, who knew the secret of Joseph’s burial place. She was the keeper of secrets in that generation. When Moses initially appeared on the scene and announced he was the Redeemer, the people turned to Serach to understand if he was a fraud.
Serach asked about the words this Moses used to introduce himself and was told Moses uttered the words
“Pakod pakadti, I have surely remembered you”.
These were the right words!! These were the code words by which the redeemer sent by Gd would reveal himself.
Gd was informing the Jewish people he had not forgotten them in their suffering and he would bring them back to the land.
Serach affirmed the veracity of Moses claim.
This is the same Serach
who waited 22 years while Joseph was incarcerated and held hostage in Egypt. When he was released it was Serach who was tasked to share the knews with the bereaved father Jacob, using her soft words and musical talent to weave the words of salvation into a song so that Jacob would not be shocked and perhaps mortally traumatized by this news.

My husband and I went to visit an old friend on Sunday.
When I got in his car I turned around and noticed an umbrella in the back seat.
I breathed out the word “Daddy”
It was my father’s old umbrella. A long sleek European model, not the sort which is sold in Target.
I hadn’t seen it in years. My Mom gave it to my husband and somehow catching sight of it triggered an intense feeling of loss.
These days many are struggling with loss and trying to move through the dance of loss and life.
It has been over two years since October 7. So many beautiful families were torn asunder as young fathers and newly married grooms fell in battle.
Recently we have been privy to hear the stories of many young widows who are remarrying and beginning a new chapter in their lives.
It is heartbreaking and breathtaking at the same time.
One bereaved father, Chagi Luber, accompanied his daughter in law to her new bridal canopy with an exquisite poem which paints the picture of his devastation over the loss of his son, accompanied by the exhilaration that the widow of his son will now have a husband and the orphan children of his son will have a father. He acknowledges his shattered heart which is mirrored in the shattering of the glass under the chuppa, while celebrating the rebirth of the nation.
Another widow, mother, bride, Naomi Chaimov, walked to her Chuppa holding the hands of her two young children. They in turn each held a white balloon bearing a picture of their father who fell in battle and the words “continuing in your path” as they accompanied her on the walk towards the next stage of her life.
It seems superhuman.
How are these mere mortals able to live with the pain and the sorrow while focusing on hope and a future?
This week’s Torah portion Bo, details the last three of the ten plagues. The Jewish people are poised for redemption, but Pharaoh remains incalcitrant, refusing to allow the Jews to leave. In the middle of the chaos and drama of the plagues there is a pause and the first commandment or Mitzva is given to the Jewish people.
It is the Mitzva of Rosh Chodesh, consecrating the new moon.
Rabbi Berezovsky, 20th century Chassidic teacher explains that Gd chose the consecration of the new moon as a message to the Jewish people. Just as the moon constantly renews itself so to do we the Jewish people continually revivify ourselves. This Mitzva gives us the power to overcome our challenges.
We don’t sanctify the moon when it is full and in all its glory. Rather, we do so when all that is revealed of the moon is just a sliver in the sky. The rest of the moon is shrouded in darkness, but we go forth on faith, knowing there is a whole other perspective to be revealed.

There are lots of children’s songs which center around the frogs that descended on Egypt during the course of the second of the ten plagues.
There is the fan favorite
Frogs Here, Frogs There, Frogs are Jumping Everywhere
“One morning when Pharaoh woke in his bed there were frogs on his head and frogs in his bed…”
Or the catchy, foot tapper
“Out of the river frogs did pour, jumped in the beds and ovens and floor…”
These charming ditties are the basis of the curriculum for the preschool set this week.
But if we believe the Torah is eternal and has relevant wisdom for every stage of life what lessons can we learn from our amphibian friends?
There is a core concept in Judaism which is called a “measure for a measure”.
This principle teaches that
“Gd repays people with consequences that directly match their actions, thoughts and words”
This means that a reward given by Gd will contain a mirror or kernel of the action that created merit.
Conversely, a punishment will reflect a quality or dimension that the sinner reflected.
A more nuanced version of the punishment fitting the crime.
The Egyptians perpetrated many heinous acts against the Jewish people. And when Gd punished the Egyptians, each plague and each punishment, was a response to the underlying crime committed by the Egyptians.
So let us look at the frogs and what their essence belied.
In a book called Bina BMikra, the author quotes an article by Prof Yehuda who explains this concept.
The frog was a goddess in ancient Egyptian lore. The talisman of the Egyptian midwives was this goddess and is depicted by a woman with a frog’s head. This is because frogs are known to multiply profusely and are therefore a good emblem of the wish for population explosion.
When the plague of frogs infested Eqypt they reminded every one of another situation where midwives were tasked not with bringing life into the world but rather snuffing it out.

We have shared many confidences in this space.
So I feel safe to share another.
I’m not a brave person.
I am scared of dogs and roller coasters.
Brave people fascinate me. I want to understand what motivates their desire to embrace scary things.
The other day I was scrolling through my feed. I love looking at beautiful nature and geography so often there will be scenes from exotic places or offers for trips to gorgeous locales.
So I didn’t pause when I saw the gorgeous vista of a bridge in New Zealand. As I passed through the picture of someone bungee jumping off this bridge I fleetingly thought that the person depicted looked a lot like a dear friend.
After a moment I took a second glance, it WAS my friend.
Then I watched the clip.
This friend swan dived off a bridge in a classic bungee jump, in a 141 feet drop.
I googled the exact information.
Then I called her.
I was fascinated to understand why?
I wanted to understand the mechanics of her bravery. How could she bring herself to take this leap into the abyss?
This week’s Torah portion is called Shmot, which means Names. It begins with the list of names of the children of Jacob who left the Land of Israel to sojourn in Egypt.
The narrative in Egypt quickly turns dark.
The Pharoah (not really his name, just his title) becomes concerned that his country may be overrun by Hebrews and a rebellion might ensue. In order to prevent such a catastrophe, Pharoah turns to his necromancers for advice. They prophesy that a man will redeem the Hebrews in the future. Pharaoh comes up with a fool proof plan. He will have all male newborns killed. He calls the two women who are the midwives, they are called Shifra and Puah (not their real names, but nicknames) and orders them to kill the male babies at birth.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks calls this the first instance of civil disobedience in the Torah.
Because these brave women did not “follow orders”. They were answering to a Higher Power and would not participate in this nefarious scheme.
This was no small matter. Pharaoh was the leader of the civilized world. His power knew no bounds. His brutality was well known. Yet these two women refused to comply.
Their bravery was breathtaking.
The Torah shares an insightful nuance to this bravery by sharing their nicknames: Shifra and Puah.
Rashi the super commentator on all the Torah teaches us that Shifra was actually Yocheved, the mother of Moses. She was called Shifra because that name indicates that she carefully cleaned and swaddled the baby before presenting it to the mother. Rashi goes on to explain that Puah was actually Miriam, Moses sister, and she was given the nickname Puah because when she would hold a crying baby she would calm it by cooing Pu Pu Pu.
How charming.
Yet we know the Torah is not a story book. There must be deeper message behind this information?
The Torah is revealing the activities these women engaged in during this dangerous time.
Their lives were literally at stake when they chose to save the babies from death.
But they were not hysterical. They were intentional.
The depth of their faith and conviction allowed them to behave in a calm and professional manner.
The newly delivered Mom must have been in a state of frenzy if she had delivered a son, knowing his death could be imminent. The midwives calmed and soothed mother and child in those fateful moments. They kept their heads despite the very real danger.
That is bravery.

Today is January 1, 2026!
It is customary for people to wish each other Happy New Year on this day.
“Jews going into the new year knowing we are already a better version of ourselves because we started our resolutions on September 22” @jewishlyliz
I loved this quote by Liz Rowland!!
It reminds us that we are actually already in process, and we have a head start on accomplishing the steps to do better.
New Year’s resolutions are a funny thing.
We take them seriously.
But they may not translate into real change.
Another great quote from Lori Palatnik “gyms see the highest surge in membership in January but they don’t build new lockers”
In other words, many good intentions may not end up being actualized.
So we are fortunate.
We can use this time to take our temperature and see how things are going with the resolutions we embraced around Rosh Hashana and Elul.
(As I’m writing this I actually just received this text:
“Start 2026 feeling better. Best resolution you'll actually keep…”
A sign from above, or the internet is monitoring my conversation…)
One of the resolutions which could be life altering is how we look at others.
Many of us have this “judgey” voice in our heads which dictates how we perceive others.
Our Sages give many pointers and suggestions on how to battle this scourge, so it’s obviously a common challenge for many.
Some times this predilection for seeing the negative on others can hit very close to home.
It may manifest in the way we perceive our own children.
Do they feel judged by us?

When you were little did you have a dream?
Maybe you dreamed about what you would be when you grew up?
Maybe you had dreams of changing the world?
Are your dreams alive and well?
These Torah portions speak a lot about dreams.
In fact Joseph is called the Master of Dreams, somewhat derisively by his brothers.
Joseph’s story starts with a dream he had about his family including his father, bowing to him.
He reports this to his brothers some of whom respond negatively and decide Joseph should be killed.
“Let’s see what happens to the dreams now?”
The amazing coat which Joseph received from his father (not sure it was technicolor but it was of many colors) was ripped off and Joseph was placed in a pit.
They ultimately sell him to tradespeople who are traveling to Egypt and Joseph becomes the head slave in the house of a man named Potiphar.
Unfortunately Potiphar’s wife has designs on the handsome Joseph and attempts to seduce him. Joseph almost capitulates but runs away, leaving his coat in her hands. Potiphar’s wife uses the garment to frame Joseph and once again he is thrown in a dungeon, which is called a pit.
This repeating scenario must have felt like a recurring dream to Joseph, or more like a bad nightmare he cannot escape.
But Joseph is different this time.
The first time he was a victim. He had no control over his destiny.
This time Joseph made a decision. He was not going to succumb to temptation.
Here the coat is not torn from him. rather he slips out of it leaving it behind in the hands of his temptress.
Here he keeps his integrity and goes back to the pit on his own terms.
The scene may be a repitition, but Joseph is different.
He realizes his culpability in the first scenario where he lorded over his family.
Now he will fix his mistake by leading with integrity and not ego.
Last weeks portion continues with Joseph interpreting more dreams which leads to this week when Joseph is brought out of the pit in order to interpret the dreams of Pharoah and in the blink of any eye, Joseph is made the viceroy of Egypt. He is the mightiest person in the country, second only to the ruler Pharoah.
His dreams are coming true.

I went to school with a girl whose mother, Professor Yaffa Eliach, was a Holocaust survivor and scholar. One of her most powerful contributions was the Tower of Life, a permanent exhibition at the US Holocaust museum in Washington DC. The Tower contains 1500 photos of Jews from her hometown of Eishyshok prewar.
Prof Eliach devoted her life to the observation of the memory of the Holocaust from the vantage point of a survivor. She preserved their memories on audio tapes after hours upon hours of interviews. In the preface to her book, Hasidic Tales of the Holocaust she describes a conversation she had with my friend who has a young girl at the time.
One day the faithful tape recorder fell off the desk and broke. My friend said, “it didn’t break, it committed suicide, how can one take recorder listen to so much tragedy”.
While the stories in the book may be tragic, there is also so much majesty and greatness of spirit which is recorded within, stories that can inspire us to this day.
They are the legacy which is left to us by the survivors and the messages Professor Eliach sought to capture for eternity.
Chanukah is soon upon us.
We are eager to celebrate this joyous Festival of Lights and all the yummy traditions that accompany the holiday.
Prof Eliach tells us a story about Chanukah in Bergen Belsen.
The Nazis were well versed in the Jewish calendar. All Jewish holidays were fodder for even more brutality.
That eve of Chanukah a horrible selection took place in a barrack which resulted in a horrific massacre. When it was over, the Nazis left heaps of hundreds of tortured and murdered Jews.
And then it was time to light the Chanukah lights.
There were no silver candelabra or brimming cups of glistening olive oil. The inmates improvised with a wooden clog for the Menora, some strings pulled out of uniforms for wicks and black shoe polish for oil.
In that barracks was the Hasidic Rabbi of Bluzhov. He was asked to light the lights on behalf of the living skeletons who survived the selection.
The Rabbi recited the two first blessings in a melodious voice that stirred those present.
But then it came time for the third blessing.
On the first night of Chanukah we add an additional blessing of the Shehechiyanu. We thank Gd Who has granted us life, sustained us and enabled us to reach this moment.
When the Rabbi was about to recite the third blessing he paused, turned around and appeared to be searching for something.
Then he turned back to the lights and in a strong reassuring voice, chanted the Shehechiyanu blessing.
As soon as the Rabbi concluded, one of inmates approached him and asked him how he could, in good conscience make that third blessing. The need to light candles in the darkness, that the inmate understood. The second blessing attests to historical miracles that happened in the past-fine.
But, how, he asked the Rabbi, can you thank Gd when we have just lost hundreds of our brethren whose bodies are “literally lying within the shadows of the Chanukah lights. This is called ‘keeping us alive?’”

In Kaifeng, a city in China, there used to be a street called “The Lane of the Sinew Plucking Religion”.
I’m assuming it rolls off the tongue in Chinese.
Which religion is being referred to with this pithy statement?
Why Judaism of course.
In this week’s Torah portion of VaYishlach, our forefather Jacob experiences many challenges. He is poised to reconnect with his brother Esau, and that is an experience he is not looking forward to having.
They parted on bad terms with Esau resolved to murder Jacob, resulting in a quick exit on Jacob’s part.
Now after an absence of 20 years, Jacob is coming home and he expects that Esau will keep good on his promise.
Jacob is afraid.
But not only was he going to have to battle his brother on a physical plane, there was also a spiritual fight that needed to take place. And so the night before meeting Esau, Jacob fights the angel of Esau. He emerges victorious but not without a wound.
In the process of vanquishing the angel of Esau Jacob was left with an injured thigh.
Therefore we have a Biblical commandment to commemorate that incident and we are not allowed to eat the sciatic nerve of an animal.
Hence the catchy name of the boulevard in China.
What is the deeper meaning of this Mitzva?
The Sefer HaChinuch, a 13th scholarly work which details the 613 commandments and explains the reasons behind them states, that the purpose of this commandment is to hint to the Jewish people that when we are in exile we will experience many difficulties from the nations of the world, especially from Esau’s descendants. But we should remain secure that although we may be injured, we are not lost.
At some point in the future, we will be redeemed from these trials and tribulations. Therefore, we need to remain strong in the face of these challenges and maintain our faith.

This past week I had to have a medical procedure.
The miracle of modern medicine means that with diagnostic tools we can save lives. So even though it is unpleasant it’s worth the effort.
Prior to the procedure I was all prepped and ready to go, lying on a gurney with an iv in my arm waiting my turn.
It’s a very vulnerable time.
Somehow your life flashes before you as you pray for a good outcome and good results.
As I was lying there I overheard the interchange in the cubicle next to mine.
Apparently the occupant had finished her procedure and the nurse was trying to wake her up.
I listened as the nurse cajoled and did whatever she could to waken the patient. It was tough going. The patient did not want to relinquish the sweet bonds of sleep.
It actually reminded me of the many times I had to wake up my teens for school.
Same words of encouragement, same attempts to rouse the sleeping beauty.
Finally she was successful.
The patient mumbled “why did you wake me, I just want to sleep “?
This weeks Torah portion is called Vayetze and it chronicles the journey of our patriarch Jacob as he runs away from home to escape the murderous intentions of his brother Esau.
Exhausted from his wanderings, Jacob stops along the way and falls into a deep sleep.
During this sleep Jacob experiences a vivid dream.
He sees a ladder connecting heaven to earth and he sees mystical, spiritual beings ascending and descending the ladder.
When Jacob wakes up from his dream he realizes that the spot he chose to take his rest was a holy place, apparently the place where heaven touches earth.
Then Jacob says that he was in such a holy place and he missed the opportunity to make the most of it by sleeping through the experience.
If he would have realized the sublime nature of this spot, Jacob would’ve capitalized on the opportunity to pray and connect with Gd. Instead he chose to sleep to escape reality and missed the chance of a lifetime.
Regret is an emotion with which we can all relate. How often do we realize just a moment too late that we could have taken the opportunity to compliment, to notice, to connect.