This week’s Torah portion is entitied Toldot and true to its name it gives us a glimpse into the Toldot or offspring of Isaac and Rebecca.
This portion is a manual in child rearing. Long before Dr. Becky, renowned child psychologist, the Torah is modeling how parents can connect to their children.
The Torah describes the twin boys born to Isaac and Rebecca. One son, Jacob, is studious and focused, an intellectual who sits in the tent of study. The second twin is Esau and he is the polar opposite. Esau is a hunter, a man of the field whose activities tend to be dubious at best.
Yet the Torah reports that Isaac loved Eisav because he brought him food.
This is a statement that requires analysis.
Isaac was a highly spiritual individual, the one chosen to be sacrificed on an altar, could he really love the wicked Eisav because he knew how to provide succulent steak?
Our Sages teach us that Isaac was very much aware of Eisav’s true nature
He recognized that Eisav was struggling in his faith.
Isaac realized the only way he could make an impact on Eisav was to build a relationship and connect with him. He realized that if he could find common ground and show Eisav that he was truly interested in Eisav’s passions he could create a bond between them.
Isaac understood that Eisav enjoyed hunting so he asked Eisav to go to the prairie and rustle up some vittles.
Rabbi Avi Fishoff in his book Raising Royalty explains that by making Eisav his personal chef, Isaac now had many avenues of conversation to share.
“Constant dialogue…constant compliments…constant connection.”
Rabbi Fishoff shares a story of a Dad who was struggling to connect to his son who was engaging in behaviors that were not appropriate. The Dad took stock of all his son’s interests and realized that bodybuilding was one of his most serious passions. The Dad approached his son and told him that his doctor had advised a 20 pound weight loss for health purposes (that was true). The Dad said to his son, “this is serious, I don’t know what to do. I would like to hire you to be my personal trainer to help me reach my goal.”
The son agreed and through the process of losing 20 lbs (which the Dad achieved) he also created a fun, meaningful and growth oriented connection with his son, a connection that had eluded him til now.
The Dad needed to use his wisdom to tap into where his son was at and use that as a vehicle to open the channels of communication.

There is a true story of a Jewish young man who left his community to immerse himself in the Native American culture. He was on a quest for enlightenment. MAfter spending many years on the reservation and imbibing of the culture, this young man heard about a holy woman of Sioux descent and he traveled a great distance to hear her wisdom. He was dismayed upon meeting her to learn that she did not consider him part of the tribe, most literally!
Rather she insisted he return to his roots and find spirituality from his own people.
The young man decided to follow the wise woman’s advice and he set out in search of mentor. After a great deal of searching, he met Rabbi Shlomo Freifeld, a brilliant Torah scholar. At their first meeting the conversation was not at all what he expected. The Rabbi was full of questions!
He wanted to know how to catch deer, how to follow animal tracks and how to navigate harsh winters on the Plains. Instead of getting answers the young man was giving them.
These conversations began a deep relationship.
One day, the young man was studying with Rabbi Freifeld in his office when the Rabbi was called out on an administrative matter. While left alone, the young man stood up and started perusing the hundreds of books that lined the Rabbi’s study. At one point he was standing behind the Rabbi’s desk when he noticed something curious. On the floor, under the desk, were a number of books lying under the table. He took a closer look and was astonished to see that all the books were about Native American culture. He realized that the Rabbi cared about him so deeply that he took the time and made the effort to learn and understand something that was so important to him.
That was a turning point in this young man’s journey, knowing that he was so cared about and validated, made him Rabbi Freifeld’s student for life.
The message we learn from our Patriarch Isaac is that each child is valuable, every child has an inner world, and if we care enough to validate and support it, we will create a bond that will be shared and strong.
It is only once there is genuine connection that the vital messages that create legacy can be shared and passed on.
This week we lost a young man Yona Brief, a soldier, a medic, who was seriously injured on October 7 when he was attacked while trying to save his commander and comrades. His legs were amputated and he sustained serious injuries.
He suffered for over 400 days till he succumbed to his wounds. Yet, during the time of his hospitalization he encouraged others saying “help others, it will help you too”.
These are our Toladot, the offspring of the Jewish people, whose nature is to help others.
May we be worthy of their sacrifice.
Shabbat Shalom and so much love!