What’s a matchmaker?

If you watched Fiddler on the Roof, Yenta the matchmaker was the meddling woman who knows all the town gossip and introduces people to prospective mates. 

Nowadays, the role has had an extreme makeover. 

Aleeza Ben Shalom helps people find their matches and in the process shares great relationship advice and Jewish wisdom. 

If this piques your interest, make sure to mark your calendar for December 3, 2023, when JWCATLANTA will host Aleeza in a fabulous evening. 

Details about the evening to follow. 

Finding the perfect match was on my mind this week. 

Maybe it was due to the fact that I participated in a planning meeting for the aforementioned event with a dynamic committee who is organizing an amazing event. 

Or perhaps it was because I attended a wedding this week of two young people who grew up on my block, on the same street. 

They did not know one another, until they were introduced by a matchmaker who extolled the virtues of one to the other and it ended with a perfect match. 

Sometimes the match made in heaven is right under your very nose. 

So I had matches on my mind. 

Matches can bring people together in joyful matrimony, but matches can also cause s conflagration which can bring about destruction. 

What is our role in our match?

How does one define the “match made in heaven”?

What does one look for in a prospective mate?

A soulmate is someone who completes the other, and helps bring out the best in their partner in life. 

This week’s Torah portion gives us a peek into the power of having the right mate, and the repercussions that result from the positive, or conversely the negative attitudes of a spouse. 

“Chefetz Chashud “

That is how one says 

“Suspicious Object”

In Hebrew. 

Everyone in Israel is very aware of suspicious objects, because the lack of awareness can lead to horrific consequences. 

Many moons ago I studied in Israel. 

My roommate in the dormitory was an American girl who had been injured in a terrorist attack a few years prior. 

She was on a bus, and no one noticed the “Chefetz Chashud” that had been left under her seat. When the bomb exploded, the hard plastic seat protected her and the subsequent burns she suffered, healed with time. 

But you can imagine how she reacted whenever she heard the words “Chefetz Chashud”. 

In case you might think these words may have fallen into disuse, let me disabuse you of that notion. 

Just yesterday, I left my Mother’s Jerusalem apartment to do an errand for her. As I left the building I noticed an unusually heavy police presence. As I tried to get to my destination ahead, I was stopped by the police and told to turn back. 

I called the shopkeeper I was headed to as the police van was  parked right outside his door. He said, it’s “just” a Chefetz Chashud. He calmly told me the police will take care of it and I should be able to come back in a few minutes to complete my transaction. To quote him,

“We have to be careful, but life must go on. “

Today I went to the Kotel, the Wailing Wall. It is the last remnant of the Temple that stood thousands of years ago in Jerusalem, until it’s destruction on the 9th of Av. 

In the Kotel plaza I witnessed a very moving ceremony. 

Hundreds of young men and women were being inducted into army service. I was so deeply touched to witness these young people preparing themselves to serve our people. 

This is a country of people who will do whatever it takes to live and thrive in the Land of Israel. 

When I was newly married I had the honor of living next door to a truly elevated couple. I loved listening to them speak to one another, it was a lesson in love, respect and understanding to hear them converse.

One time I was in their home and they had a “fight”. 

It was Chanukah and the husband had lit his beautiful Menorah. After the Menorah lights extinguished, an itinerant person collecting funds appeared at their door. He was welcomed in with kindness and respect (definitely the mantra of that household) and given some charity and the offer of food. It became apparent that the gentleman had not yet had the opportunity to light the Menora, so the lady of the house took out a spare, small Menora for him to kindle. 

Later that evening her husband came home. When he saw the small Menora alit he questioned the circumstances and heard the whole story. When his wife finished the tale, he said in the kindest of tones that he was a bit disappointed. He wished she would have given the man collecting funds the use of his personal and beautiful Menora. He was concerned that the man would be embarrassed by the spare and obviously less expensive version. His distress at causing discomfort to a stranger was palpable, yet he managed to convey that distress in the gentlest and kindest way, leaving behind not hurt feelings but rather an elevated perspective. 

His distress stemmed from a missed opportunity to do more. 

This week we learn about the commandment that was given to Aaron the High Priest regarding the lighting of the Menora in the Tabernacle. 

This week’s Torah portion is titled Behaalotcha which means when you go up. 

The verse explains that Aaron was told when when you go up, when you elevate, light the Menora…

The Sages comment on the unusual word used to indicate the Menora should be kindled. 

When we talk about Shabbat candles or Chanukah candles we talk about lighting or kindling them, not elevating them, why is the word elevating used in this instance?

The Menorah is symbolic of Torah. Studying Torah is not just a scholastic endeavor like any other discipline. 

The study of Torah is meant to be transformative and elevating, when we light the “Menora” in our lives, when we study Torah, it is meant to point us to realize our purpose in life. 

That is why the Torah used the word elevating instead of kindling. 

As I may have mentioned, we recently attended our granddaughter’s Bat Mitzva. 

She was one of the last girls in her class to celebrate. I was wondering how they would mark the occasion. 

When one has a child in the Mitzva circuit it can be quite stressful, especially if your child is one of the last in the class. One has to grapple with how to do something different, how to make the event stand out. 

This conundrum may create a great deal of pressure on the celebrants. 

This week’s Torah portion is called Nasso, and it discusses the inauguration of the Tabernacle, the portable Sanctuary that was the place that the Jewish people did their service and connected to Gd. 

A part of the inaugural ceremony was the bringing of offerings to Gd by the Princes of each of the Twelve Tribes. 

The offering was extensive and it took 6 verses to describe what each Prince was bringing. 

In our studies, we have hammered home the point that every word in the Torah is critical and mindfully placed. When we peruse a verse, if we notice a superfluous word or letter, a misplaced tense or gender, we immediately stand at attention. 

These inconsistencies are flags to us that their are messages to be found and we must begin to investigate. 

So an extra letter would catch our attention, right?

Going back to our Bnai Mitzva, if anyone has this week’s Torah portion, you must be empathetic. 

Because this is the longest Torah portion of them all, clocking in at 176 verses. 

What is really curious is that 72 of the verses say exactly the same thing. 

There is 6 verse section describing the offering of the Prince, and it is repeated verbatim 12 times with only the name of the Prince changing. 

If one word would attract our attention, this is a veritable waving of a red flag begging a question!

Don’t worry. 

You didn’t lose a day. It’s not Thursday night yet. 

I am reaching out a day early as Thursday evening we will begin celebrating the holiday of Shavuot, the commemoration of receiving the Torah on Mt Sinai. 

There are no specific mitzvot connected to the upcoming holiday (although there are many customs including eating delicious dairy foods and adorning our synagogues and homes with flowers and greenery to remind us that Mt Sinai bloomed with vegetation prior to the giving of the Torah and since we did not understand the dietary laws that had just been established, we ate dairy). There are no Mitzvot because we want to focus on the Torah itself. Therefore there is a custom to stay up all night studying Torah and of course you can combine that with eating delicious cheese cake…

On the second day of the holiday we read the Book of Ruth. 

It too has no specific laws and rules. Instead it is a treatise of loving kindness. 

Ruth was a princess. She was the daughter of the King of Moab, and she married into a Jewish family who had run away from their home and responsibilities in the Land of Israel and moved to Moab. 

Ten years later, after a series of calamities, the Jewish family was decimated. Only the matriarch, Naomi, and her two daughters in law were left. One daughter in law was named Ruth. The other daughter in law was Ruth’s sister Orpah. Naomi realized there was no future for her in the land of Moab and she decided to return to her home in the Land of Israel. 

Her two daughters in law were desperate to accompany Naomi on her arduous journey home. 

This is a testimony to the deeply loving and caring relationship Naomi had created with her daughters in law. 

(Or in the words of a beloved friend and mentor, daughters in love!)

Despite the fact that they were royalty, these young women were willing to give up their fame and fortune to follow the destitute Naomi. 

Naomi fought them long and hard. 

Finally, Orpah capitulated. She decided to turn her back on Naomi and go back to her previous life. 

Ruth did not relent. 

She clung fiercely to Naomi and insisted on continuing the journey with her. 

Our Sages teach us that each of these women made a specific choice which had a significant impact on their future. 

Orpah chose not to accept the invitation to meet her higher self and returned home to a life of degradation and dissolution. She ultimately gave birth to a child of great physical stature, the famous Goliath who fought and cursed the Jewish people. 

This week we begin the fourth of the five books of the Torah. 

Isn’t it amazing how fast the days go by?

The Jewish people are now embarking on the the next stage of their journey. In this book is chronicled the 40 year journey, in the desert, which will end with the entrance to the Land of Israel. 

The journey takes place in a desert, a barren place, a tabula rasa. It is in the desert that the Torah was given because it is a blank slate, there are no preconceptions, it’s a place available to all, where the sky is the limit. 

If you were to tell the epic story of your family dynasty to your children, what would you emphasize?

Surely most of the content would focus on the triumphs and the glory, certainly not on the mistakes and the failures. 

Yet the Torah tells it like it was, not sparing any details about the complaints the Jewish people continually lodged against Gd. 

We have nothing to drink. 

We don’t like the food. 

Life was better in Egypt. 

(Honestly?!? Egypt was a torture chamber)!

The Torah lays it all out for us. Because “studying Torah is not education. It’s transformation. 

It’s an invitation to meet your higher self”. 

This idea about seeing ourselves as we truly are and using that as a springboard for personal growth was shared by our granddaughter at her Bat Mitzva this past week. 

She shared a powerful message about making the most of each day to achieve the next level of greatness in ourselves. 

When the Torah begins to describe the arrival of the Jewish people at Mount Sinai, it says they came on “this day”. 

Rashi, the super commentary on the Torah notices that really we should say they arrived on “that day” as the day being remarked upon has already passed.

Rashi explains that the message to us is every day should be “this day”, we should approach our study of Torah as if it was just given to us. 

But there is something curious. 

The “day” we are referencing is not the day the Torah was given in the desert, it’s actually the day they arrived. 

They probably got there, unpacked, had a bite to eat and then went to sleep. 

This is the day we are supposed to keep on reliving with newness and freshness?

Yes!

This is the opportunity to take whatever we have learned to help us transform a regular day into a day that counts.

It’s not an easy thing to do. 

It takes small steps to transform our days. 

“If your brother becomes poor and his hand falters, you shall support him”. 

This week we have one more double Torah portion, Behar and Bechukotai. 

The verse therein instructs us to strengthen and support a brother or sister in need. 

Rashi, French 11th century Torah commentary, elucidates on the words 

“you shall support him” 

by giving us instructions on how to provide such aforementioned support. 

Rashi tells us, do not allow the person to fall down and collapse altogether before you extend a helping hand. Rather reach out when his hand is starting to falter and become unsteady. Because you can save him from degradation with much less effort. Rashi gives an example of a laden donkey whose load is beginning to slip. If one puts out a supporting hand, single-handedly it is possible to avert disaster. But once the load and donkey have fallen over, it will take many people and a lot of attention to right the animal. 

Imagine an unsteady person walking in a muddy field. If given a cane he could come through unsullied. But if he falls in the muck not only will it take a few people to rescue him, he will be much more embarrassed by the attention paid to his inadequacies. 

Therefore Maimonides in his hierarchy of charity states that the highest level of charity is actually providing work for a person, furnishing the proverbial fishing rod, so they can fish for themselves, as this will allow a person to retain their dignity and self worth while ameliorating their financial needs. 

The word “hand” appears many times in the portion. Hand in Hebrew is the word “yad”. The numerical value of the word “yad” is 14. If one extends a hand (14) and another grabs another hand (14), those teo hands together equal 28. 

A word whose numerical value is 28 is the Hebrew word “koach” which means strength. When two hands come together they can strengthen one another. 

This can also be seen in the way we read the commandment 

“You shall support him”

We could actually read the words with a slightly different interpretation, 

“you shall RECEIVE strength from them”. 

Today is May 4, 2023. 

On May 4, 1945, Dr. Edith Eger was liberated from a concentration camp in Austria where she had been incarcerated. 

On the anniversary of this momentous occasion, Dr. Eger, psychologist and author of The Choice, posted on Facebook. She shared that while she had been liberated on May 4, there was a long road to survival she had to traverse. 

With survival came great challenge. 

On the physical plane, Dr. Eger has to relearn the skills necessary to rejoin society. 

She no longer knew how to wield a fork and knife. 

But there were also deep emotional wounds that needed healing. 

Dr. Eger hoped against hope that some of her loved ones had survived. When it became clear that there was no one left, Dr. Eger grappled with the meaning of life. There seemed to be no purpose in continuing. 

She questions what indeed kept her alive?

She feels that ultimately it was her sense of curiosity that reawakened her desire to live. 

She wondered what would happen, what might come next. With those thoughts, Dr. Eger felt a responsibility to come to terms with what had happened to her. 

She chose life. 

This week’s Torah portion is called Emor, which means speak or tell. In the first verse of the Parsha Gd instructs Moses

“Say to the priests, the sons of Aaron, and tell them not to contaminate themselves to a dead person…”

On a practical level, this commandment refers to the unique injunction that the Priestly class should not come in contact with a dead person. 

If one visits a cemetery, one will notice that the Kohanim, priests, or often buried in the first row, closest to the road. This will enable relatives, who are also priests, to come to the funeral without actually entering the cemetery. 

Rabbinit Yemima Mizrachi, Torah teacher in Jerusalem shared a different interpretation. 

She explains the message we are to glean from this verse is that we, each one of us, should not become contaminated by death. 

How do? 

This past week saw the two extremes we the Jewish people exemplify. We commemorated Israel’s Remembrance Day which was immediately followed by Israel’s Independence Day. The first day honors all who fell in service of our country. It is a sad and tragic day. One of my cousins by marriage shared the loss of of so many family members. His family has paid a steep price. That day segues into a joyous celebration of mammoth proportions. The same cousin spends his time selling properties in the land of Israel. He is passionate about the connection to the country of Israel and helping people find a happy home in the land his family sacrificed for. 

How is it possible to hold space for such extreme emotions?

We have sacrificed deeply for our values and for our country and while the pain is raw, we need to focus on life and the joy and hope it brings. 

Otherwise we would be lost. 

We would never emerge from the Crusades or the Holocaust. And we would not be able to build a future. 

This week we again have two Torah portions, Achrei Mot (After the death) and Kedoshim (the holy ones). 

The first portion refers to the death of two sons of Aaron the High Priest. After their tragic passing Moses is instructed by Gd to speak to Aaron and help him return to life by stepping into his role. 

It is a parallel to this past week’s events as Aaron must make the transition from mourning to becoming the spiritual leader who will bring his people to atonement and life. 

The second portion refers to that life, a life lived properly, a life of holiness. 

If asked to define holiness, we might think it is exemplified by intense prayer, self denial, ascetism, maybe even self flagellation. 

But our portion, gives a totally different explanation of how one becomes holy. 

In fact there are no less than 51 commandments or mitzvot contained there in and the focus is completely on kindness to another. 

We are enjoined to honor our parents, not to steal, not to lie, not to speak ill of others. We are instructed to pay workers in a timely fashion and not to take revenge. It is a cornucopia of mitzvot that teach us how to treat people properly. 

This is how we can become holy. 

Another mitzva  listed is to judge another person favorably. This sounds like a very easy one to accomplish. 

But maybe not so. 

Our 9 year old grandson called today. 

He was very proud of participating in what he called a wax museum production. 

It took me a bit to understand what he meant, but apparently his very creative teacher had the students research an individual and write a few paragraphs based on their findings. 

The students then dressed up as the person they studied and posed as a group, each one standing stock still. 

This was the “wax museum”. 

When it was the student’s turn to present, a “button” would be pressed to “bring them to life”and they would share the story of their character. 

It was as if a puppet was brought to life and given the ability to speak. 

Our grandson chose to restore Jackie Robinson to life. 

This week’s Torah portions, Tazria and Metzora, there are two, focus, with great detail, on the deleterious effects of speaking ill of others. 

If one speaks maliciously of another, the Torah describes an illness which is the punishment that will result. 

This malady is called tzora’at, which is translated as a spiritual form of leprosy. 

The individual who is inflicted is called a metzora. 

Our Sages teach us that if we break up the word metzora we find the words “motzi ra” which means finding the bad. 

A person who has tzara’at is one who seeks out the negative in the other. 

Apparently it’s a choice. 

When we look at someone else what do we decide to focus on?

We are not preprogrammed puppets or wax figures, going through mechanical motions.  

We can see a person before us and seek to see the good rather than emphasizing the bad.