When I was newly married I had the honor of living next door to a truly elevated couple. I loved listening to them speak to one another, it was a lesson in love, respect and understanding to hear them converse.
One time I was in their home and they had a “fight”.
It was Chanukah and the husband had lit his beautiful Menorah. After the Menorah lights extinguished, an itinerant person collecting funds appeared at their door. He was welcomed in with kindness and respect (definitely the mantra of that household) and given some charity and the offer of food. It became apparent that the gentleman had not yet had the opportunity to light the Menora, so the lady of the house took out a spare, small Menora for him to kindle.
Later that evening her husband came home. When he saw the small Menora alit he questioned the circumstances and heard the whole story. When his wife finished the tale, he said in the kindest of tones that he was a bit disappointed. He wished she would have given the man collecting funds the use of his personal and beautiful Menora. He was concerned that the man would be embarrassed by the spare and obviously less expensive version. His distress at causing discomfort to a stranger was palpable, yet he managed to convey that distress in the gentlest and kindest way, leaving behind not hurt feelings but rather an elevated perspective.
His distress stemmed from a missed opportunity to do more.
This week we learn about the commandment that was given to Aaron the High Priest regarding the lighting of the Menora in the Tabernacle.
This week’s Torah portion is titled Behaalotcha which means when you go up.
The verse explains that Aaron was told when when you go up, when you elevate, light the Menora…
The Sages comment on the unusual word used to indicate the Menora should be kindled.
When we talk about Shabbat candles or Chanukah candles we talk about lighting or kindling them, not elevating them, why is the word elevating used in this instance?
The Menorah is symbolic of Torah. Studying Torah is not just a scholastic endeavor like any other discipline.
The study of Torah is meant to be transformative and elevating, when we light the “Menora” in our lives, when we study Torah, it is meant to point us to realize our purpose in life.
That is why the Torah used the word elevating instead of kindling.
This episode of lighting the Menora comes about because Aaron was distressed over an incident he witnessed.
Aaron saw that all the Princes of each Tribe were given an opportunity to bring a contribution or offering, but Aaron was not given that chance and he was very disappointed to not be able to contribute.
Rebbetzin Esther Jungreis shares this thought and is so amazed by this dynamic.
She comments that typically when someone does not have to make a contribution they heave a sigh of relief. They feel lucky, they have been spared the burden of contributing.
If, however, we would be passed over for an honor we think we deserved, or a gift we anticipated then, they would feel deprived.
In contrast, Aaron was distressed because he wanted to give of himself and was not afforded the chance to do so. Aaron taught us that what is important in life is not what we have, but what we can give away.
I have a dear friend who is very philanthropic and giving. But what inspires me the most is watching her interact with such appreciation for the kindness that is done to her.
Recently I noticed that within the space of one conversation with her visiting family after she had just provided them with a sumptuous meal, she managed to thank them repeatedly for the kindness they exhibited by coming to visit her. She turned the focus of giving away from herself and made them feel they had given her the gift.
That is truly an elevated manner of giving, when you make the recipient feel as though it was indeed they that gave the gift to you!
Lifting up everyone around you could be a whole new version of an elevator pitch.
Shabbat Shalom and so much love!