To Do The Best We Can
This is a story of stereotypes.
There was a house painter of Italian descent.
Let’s call him Tony.
He was discovered by a Jewish interior designer we will call Phyllis.
Tony’s star began to rise and everyone wanted him to paint their home.
Goldie Schwartz was redecorating and she only wanted the best
(I told you this a stereotypical story) so she hired Tony for the job.
When Tony arrived to begin work, Goldie was ready for him.
She told him all of her requirements in rapid fire instruction and concluded her soliloquy by saying “Tony, you are the best in the business. I hired you because I want it to be perfect!”
A smile spread across Tony’s face.
“Let me tell you what I learned from my Rabbi” he said.
This is where the story starts to veer from stereotypical.
Goldie was shocked.
In her vast experience, Italian house painters did not have Rabbis.
“You have a Rabbi?” She asked incredulously, “who is your Rabbi?”
Tony took out his wallet and removed a photograph. It was the picture of a saintly looking man with a beautiful smile. It was indeed a photograph of the Bobover Rebbe, Rabbi Shlomo Halberstam, a Holocaust survivor and leader of a Hasidic dynasty.
Tony told Goldie how he initially met Rabbi Halberstam.
“It was the beginning of my career, one of my first jobs, and I nervously knocked on the door of the client. The door was opened by a smiling rabbinical figure. He welcomed me warmly and ushered me in.
“We need to talk” the Rabbi said. I was ready for the standard speech about doing a perfect job. Imagine my surprise when the Rabbi asked me instead if I had eaten breakfast. When I responded in the negative, the Rabbi sat me down and proceeded to prepare a hearty breakfast for me!
After breakfast the Rabbi asked me if I had ever heard that the Jewish people had a Temple in Jerusalem that had been destroyed thousands of years ago.
The Rabbi explained that when the Temple stood it was the ultimate in perfection. However, due to our sins, the Temple was destroyed and since then there is nothing perfect.
“So Tony” the Rabbi said, “I know you will do a job to the best of your ability, do the best you can, but don’t worry, it doesn’t need to be perfect, because it can’t be!”
Tony concluded his story and painted Goldie’s house to the best of his ability.
Not perfect.
But close.
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The Paradigm Shift
I don’t like change.
I am a creature of habit.
I take comfort in the expected.
My husband thrives on change.
He embraces it and relishes the opportunity to allow new ideas, people and challenges to propel forward.
Sometimes our views may therefore clash.
I often recognize the wisdom in his attitude. But it’s hard for me.
I am working on it.
It’s a paradigm shift.
JWC Atlanta just concluded our 15th Israel trip with Momentum.
It was 8 days of ancient Jewish wisdom, connecting to the land of Israel and experiencing it all with an absolutely incredible group of women.
My circle of love has expanded exponentially!
One of the many ideas shared with us by our trip leader, the inimitable Adrienne Gold Davis, was in reference to the paradigm shift.
She encouraged us to look at the situations in our lives as opportunities.
Adrienne mentioned the true story of a shoe chain that sent a sales rep to uncharted territory to open new shoe stores.
The salesman sent a telegram back to the head office.
“Send no shipments of shoes.
They do not wear shoes here”.
The head office sent another salesman to scope out the potential and he sent the following telegram
“Send as many shoes as you can find. They don’t wear shoes here”.
What a perfect example of a paradigm shift.
Read moreSo much of life happens behind the scenes
When I got married, my husband introduced me to summer camp.
I know that sounds backwards, usually camp is part of childhood. But when I was growing up I spent my summers in London and Israel with my grandparents and did not have the usual camp experiences.
Until I got married.
My husband was on the staff of a boys camp in the Catskill mountains and we continued to work there for over three decades.
I was hooked!
I loved every minute.
However, getting to this utopia was another story all together.
It meant packing up the family and clothes and toys, loading up the van, and driving for hours upon hours from Atlanta to upstate New York.
It was quite the adventure.
And mostly quite uneventful.
However, on one of our drives to camp we witnessed a terrifying incident.
We were driving on the highway and a car near us lost control. It veered into the concrete divide barrier and narrowly missed hitting the car in front of it. We were all screaming in the car as we witnessed this happening. Incredibly, the driver of car that was almost hit seemed completely oblivious to the drama that he just avoided and continued on his merry way.
We were very shaken by the near miss and relieved that tragedy had been averted.
We kept reliving the incident over and over until at one point my husband commented that we saw the incident in clear view as it happened in front of us, but the driver who was almost impacted, probably doesn’t realize he just experienced a miracle.
He will come home and be annoyed that there was traffic, and his boss gave him a hard time and will grouch about another same old same old day, without ever realizing he was just gifted a miracle, a new lease on life.
To him it’s just another day.
In this week’s Torah portion which is called Chukat, which means decrees, the Jewish people sing a song of praise for the Well of water. This song takes place close to the end of the journey in the desert. This week’s Torah portion actually takes place almost 40 years since the last portion. In Chukat Miriam the prophetess dies. Immediately after her death, the well which traveled with the nation and provided water all those years, dried up. This showed the people that the fresh water that had sustained them in the desert, was in Miriam’s merit.
Because Miriam had stayed at the water’s edge to see what would happen to her brother as he floated on the waters of the Nile, she was rewarded by becoming the provider of water for Moses' people.
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They Blossomed First
This week we commemorated the third yahrzeit, the anniversary of the passing, of a great man and a personal mentor. For over 30 years, my family had the privilege of spending summers in a camp in the Catskills mountains in upstate New York. The staff of this camp became like family to us, and the memories we have of those halcyon days, continue to bring us joy and inspiration.
It also gave us the opportunity to become close friends with Rabbi David Trenk of blessed memory.
Rabbi Trenk was by no means your standard, run of the mill rabbinical type. He exuded joy on an exuberant level, teaching in thundering but loving tones. He was wont to say “if a student asks a question, it is the most important question in the world. Why? Because he is asking it! Because the student wants to learn”
He also looked at everyone with complete positivity. His year long job involved working with students who had fallen through the “cracks” of the educational system.
Rabbi Trenk never viewed his students as anything but great. And his persistent belief in their greatness convinced them they were truly great.
At his funeral, one of the students gave a tearful eulogy. He said when he and his friends were younger, no one wanted them. But now they are successful and community leaders everyone wants them. Only Rabbi Trenk saw their greatness back then and loved them for who they were.
He wouldn’t sit still for a moment, constantly on the go, pursuing his mission to help his students succeed.
It was poetry in motion.
This middah, or attribute spilled over into all his interactions with the people he would encounter.
The mechanic who serviced his car, told Mrs. Trenk that a regular customer at his shop was a big, burly, scary looking truck driver. When he would walk into the shop everyone shrank back and took a step away. One day Rabbi Trenk and the truck driver entered together. Rabbi Trenk greeted the gentleman with great warmth and his trademark exuberance, calling him “my brother”! After the truck driver exited, one of the other patrons asked Rabbi Trenk if he even knew the man in question, let alone, calling him a brother.
“He is a brother” responded Rabbi Trenk “did you not see the Magen David necklace he wore around his neck?”
He is indeed a brother.
No one else looked closely enough to see.
No one else looked past the externals.
No one saw the innerness of the person.
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Home should be a place of acceptance
One of our daughters is blessed with a best friend. They have been like sisters since infancy. This is not a relationship to be taken for granted. These two are not peas in a pod. They are in fact polar opposites. From an early age our daughter loved to read. She would get lost in a good book to the degree that you couldn’t get any communication from her. Our daughter also loved sports-the ultimate tomboy- she was always ready for any ball game going. She had and has no trouble keeping up with her brothers. The best friend was the ultimate girly girl. Dolls, playing house and tea parties were her go to. There is one vignette, captured for eternity on a video, where our daughter is sitting with her nose in a book as her friend tries to get her attention to play dolls. All of a sudden our daughter notices the boys are beginning a game of basketball. As she heads out to join the game, her little friend says in frustration “just go, go alweady”.
If you are scratching your heads over this duo you are not alone. Yet, these two somehow were able to see above their differences, tap into what united them, to create and sustain a lifelong friendship.
This week’s Torah portion is Shelach, which means send. The Jewish people had their encounter with Gd and Mount Sinai and now they are headed to the land of Israel. In anticipation of the upcoming conquest, the people requested a reconnaissance mission to spy the land.
Gd acquiesces and responds to Moses with the words “Shelach lecha anashim” send for you people, spies. Gd says if you feel the need to send out spies, so go already, and send them out.
The journey from Mt. Sinai to the land of Israel should have taken eleven days.
Instead it took 40 years.
Did Moses not stop to ask directions?
What took so long?
It was the report of the spies that was the source of their downfall.
The spies came back with frightful stories that frightened the people.
The Kli Yakar, 16th century commentator notices that the the word for people, anashim, is the male gender. It was only men who were sent.
The Kli Yakar comments that if only women had been sent, this whole debacle would have never taken place. The women had faith, they saw the miracles of the plagues and the splitting of the sea and they believed that the Land of Israel would be a place of blessing.
Instead, the men returned from the spying with a bad report which bodes ill, and cried all that night.
The commentaries ask why does it say “that” night?
Because they cried for naught that night and accepted an evil report against the land, they were destined to cry for a reason in the future on that night, when truly terrible things would take place for our people.
“That night” was the 9th day of the month of Av, the date when in the future, both of the Temples would be destroyed in Jerusalem in 586BCE and in 70CE.
This lack of faith, the inability to see the possibilities of a life in the land of Israel, resulted in a decree that all men between the ages of 20-60 would die in the ensuing 40 years in the desert, never to have the ability to go to Israel.
During those 40 years, on the eve of the 9th of Av, these men would dig graves and lie in them. The next morning some of their number would not climb out of that grave.
In this manner, the generation of men died in the desert, punished for their lack of faith.
We can understand why that generation was punished for their lack of faith.
But why does the 9th of Av continue to be a day of mourning?
The first Temple in Jerusalem was destroyed because we sinned the three cardinal sins, idol worship, murder and illicit relations. But 70 years later the Temple was rebuilt. Apparently we understood the punishment and learned from our mistakes. But the second Temple was destroyed for an entirely different reason. The second Temple was destroyed for the sin of baseless hatred. We were not able to see there is more than unites us than what divides us.
And we have not righted that wrong.
We are still judging one another unfavorably.
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Graduations - Unlocking Potential
I have a soft spot for graduations.
The attendees are in a great mood.
Parents are relieved that their children have accomplished their goals and a tuition milestone is behind them.
Graduates are relieved that they have accomplished their goals and a bright, perhaps scary, but possibility filled future lies ahead.
And, the teachers are relieved that they have accomplished their goals and their charges are no longer their responsibility.
The unrealized potential in the room is palpable.
The possibilities are endless.
The next part of the story is waiting to unfold and come to life as each individual progresses on the next chapter and will move forward - depending on their personal motivation.
I had the honor of participating in two graduations today, one in person and one via zoom.
Our granddaughter graduated from nursery school. I am not biased when I tell you her smile was ginormous and her performance stellar.
But she absolutely won my heart when she ran off the stage momentarily to give her little sister a hug.
Now, as sisters go, these two are close. But they still have their arguments, and the big sister is often frustrated and annoyed when the little one destroys her toys or art projects. It was heart warming to see that in this milestone moment, she put it all aside to give her sister a hug.
The second graduation was in person.
It was the commencement ceremony of a small girls high school.
The charge to the graduates was offered by Rabbi David Goldwasser, a noted author and lecturer.
He addressed this week’s Torah portion which is called Behaalotcha, which means when you go up. (That refers to the commandment to Aaron, the High Priest, regarding his going up to light the Menora in the Tabernacle.)
Rabbi Goldwasser referenced another incident in the portion where Moses is overwhelmed by his responsibility of tending to the Jewish people.
They lodge a constant litany of complaints and Moses can take it no longer.
Moses tells Gd he cannot bear the burden.
He just cannot do it.
According to the Sages, Gd tells Moses you CAN do it, you have the hidden powers inside that you can accomplish great things. You just need to know how to unlock that potential.
There was a famous Kabbalist known as the Baba Sali. He lived in Morocco in the early 1900s till he moved to Israel. (His granddaughter was my roommate!). When the Baba Sali lived in Morocco the area he lived in was dangerous and crime ridden. Going out alone at night was not recommended. One evening the Baba Sali announced to his attendant that at midnight he would be going to the ritual bath/Mikva as he was wont to do before any major occasion. The attendant was concerned but accompanied him in the dark. When they reached the door of the Mikva the attendant tried to unlock the door. No matter how hard he tried, the lock would not yield. Finally the Baba Sali took the key and the lock turned effortlessly.
He told his attendant
“if you really want to open doors in this world, if you put all your effort into it, doors will open for you.”
Don’t have a fixed mindset.
You CAN do it.
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How can we achieve inner peace?
A number of years ago I had the opportunity to hear a representative of the Jewish Agency address a meeting at the Jewish Federation of Greater Atlanta.
He shared the dramatic story of his immigration from the Soviet Union to the United States. After leaving Russia, he received a scholarship to Yeshiva University in New York City.
This young man was extremely dedicated and had a fierce work ethic. He worked long hours to learn English and succeed in his studies. One evening, the mentor who had been assigned to him, suggested it was time for a little break. He was concerned this Russian student would “burn out” under the pressure of the study regimen he had imposed upon himself. He therefore suggested the young man repair to the student lounge to watch some television.
“It’s a good way to learn English so you won’t be wasting your time!”
The student acquiesced and went to watch TV. The mentor was surprised when a few minutes later the student emerged, wild eyed from the lounge. He was trembling as he told his mentor that inexplicably he had just found a relative of his on the TV show he was watching.
The mentor asked for an explanation.
It seems this student had a very close relationship with his grandfather. They spent many hours together through his childhood. Then came the when the grandfather felt his days were numbered on this earth. He called his grandson to his side and told him about a special family symbol. He raised his hands and joined the fingers together in an unusual formation. The thumb separated, the second and third fingers touching and the fourth and fifth fingers touching.
“This is the symbol of our family, never forget this sign”. This was one of the last things this boy heard from his beloved grandfather. He never forgot.
The student was shaking as he shared this story with his mentor, because while he was watching a show on television he was shocked to see a character making the same sign with his hands. His unique family sign.
The young man concluded his story to us by saying he was probably the first person to find out he was Jewish from seeing Leonard Nimoy in his character Mr. Spock, perform the Vulcan salute in an episode of Star Trek.
The Vulcan salute is actually an imitation of the hand formation used by the Cohanim, the Priests, when they bless the Jewish people.
This week’s Torah portion is called Naso and it contains within it the verses of the priestly blessing.
May Gd bless you and protect you;
May Gd’s countenance shine upon you and be gracious towards you;
May Gd turn towards you and give you peace.
This blessing is among the oldest of our prayers.
We say it in our early morning prayers and in the prayer we say before we retire for the night.
We intone the blessings on Shabbat, holidays, and in Israel, daily. It is a blessing that has accompanied us through our exile and is at the same time, a part and parcel of our present lives. This prayer is as much a part of us now just as it was thousands of years ago!
It is also the blessing we bestow upon our children every Friday night at the Shabbat table.
What do we have in our hearts and minds when we utter the blessing over their bowed heads?
We want our children to feel safe, secure, loved and courageous.
We pray they will move through life with compassion, empathy, resilience and determination.
Rabbi Jonathan Sacks teaches us that most importantly, we envision a world where our children can live in peace. Rabbi Sacks says that in order to make peace in the world, we first need to be at peace with ourselves.
How can we achieve inner peace?
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The identity of flags
This is a time of great festivity in England.
Queen Elizabeth, who has reigned for an unprecedented 70 years, is being feted by her nation to celebrate this auspicious milestone.
Earlier today, as the 96 year old Queen appeared on the famous balcony at Buckingham Palace to receive her subjects, the journalist who was commenting on the scene narrated that the Queen stood on this very same balcony, with her father, who was then King, in 1945, at the end of World War Two.
This brought me to tears because my dear mother, a refugee from Germany, was witness to that event. She was eternally grateful to Great Britain for providing her a safe haven when she escaped Germany at the brink of war. She suffered the Blitz in England and many of the challenges of wartime, but was fully aware of the miracle of her escape from the clutches of the Nazis. She often speaks of the bravery of the royal family, who did not run away from London during the Blitz, throwing their lot together with the lives of their countrymen which exhibited true leadership.
I felt very emotional seeing this diminutive woman who symbolizes strength in the face of adversity, the picture of royalty in our time.
As my Mother’s father lived in London for the rest of his life, my Mom would take us to England every summer, to spend time with him. We enjoyed many of the sights, and watched the famous Changing of the Guards at Buckingham Palace many a time.
Another ceremonial event that took place annually in London is called the Trooping of the Color. It is performed by regiments of the British army as they perform a complicated march in formation while carrying their colors, or their regimental flags. The Trooping is a moving testimony to the allegiance of the regiments to their sovereign as the maneuver in formation.
This week’s Torah portion is called BaMidbar, which means in the desert, and it describes what life was like for the Jewish nation while they sojourned in the desert, in the wilderness.
The Torah describes the encampment of the nation which was set up in a square. The 12 Tribes were divided into four sections, with 3 tribes encamped on each of the four sides of the square. Each Tribe had a unique flag, or banner, under which each Tribe dwelt.
Each flag had its own color for the Tribe it represented which corresponded to the colored stone on the breastplate of the High Priest which had the Tribe’s name engraved upon it.
The flag also sported an insignia which represented the distinct characteristic of the Tribe. For example, the Tribe of Judah had a picture of a lion.
(Hence the concept of Lion of Judah).
The flags would identify the essential mission of the Tribe in their service of Gd.
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How do we walk with the Mitzvot?
I was a little tired the other day as I was heading out to do an errand in my neighborhood.
All of a sudden I arrived at my destination. I honestly do not remember how I got there.
Scary as it seems, I was on automatic pilot, navigating the familiar route without focus or much attention. I did get there, but I missed a lot along the way.
We are concluding the book of Leviticus this week. Many weeks ago we started the journey in this book which is called in Hebrew VaYikra which means “and he called”. It refers to the loving manner in which Gd speaks to Moses.
If you would look in a Torah scroll you would see that the the word VaYikra, has its final letter aleph, written in a smaller font, so to speak, then the rest of the letters. That makes the word look like it’s actually spelling VaYikar, which has a totally different interpretation. Without the aleph the word no longer means he called out, but rather it means he happened upon.
This reflects Moses humility when he was writing the Torah. He did not want it to seem that Gd singled him out and reached out specifically, but rather it was just happenstance.
Moshe was just another guy, in the right place at the right time.
This weeks Torah portion, Bechokosai, which means in my laws, “happens” to use a similar word.
The verse states, “If you behave casually with me” is a warning to us regarding our relationship with Gd. In the verse the word for casual is “keri” the same root word as VaYikra. In other words do not relate to Gd casually, as if you just happened to run into Gd.
Furthermore, the portion talks about observing the Mitzvot and commandments but uses another interesting choice of words. Literally the verse says,
“If you will walk in my laws”.
Shouldn’t we observe the laws, not walk in them?
And what serendipity!
In the verse that exhorts us not to behave casually, it literally says “if you will walk with me casually”…
It doesn’t seem a happenstance walk with Gd is what we are aiming to achieve.
The metaphor of walking which repeats itself is the message of growth. An angel, according to Jewish mysticism, has only one leg.
An angel has the spiritual energy to complete its mission, but it has no choice, it must proceed, like a robot, to complete its task.
A human being has choice, where and how to walk, to continually grow and expand.
We are constantly presented with options and we can decide to purposefully walk with Gd or meander through life thinking there is no purpose to our existence, that it’s just a matter of chance.
How do we walk with the Mitzvot?
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Life Is Like A Game Of Scrabble
I just returned from a trip to Israel. I am blessed to visit with my Mother who lives in Jerusalem, and spend some wonderful quality time with her. I appreciate every minute I am gifted with my Mother’s company.
We played a lot of Scrabble.
I love a good game of Scrabble. The challenge of creating words out of disparate letters is one I relish. Of course taking the jumble of letters and creating a 7 letter word is especially satisfying.
The longer the word, the greater the points.
This is a common place illustration of the importance of a word, especially a well constructed one.
This week’s Torah portion is called Behar and one of the topics it addresses is words.
The Portion continues the theme of holiness which has been the focus of the past few portions. First the Torah had addressed the holiness in our relationship with Gd and now it shifts to holiness in the foundation of Jewish society.
In Behar the Torah states that one person is not allowed to afflict another. This injunction is actually mentioned twice.
What does it mean to afflict someone?
There are two ways one can afflict another.
One way is by negatively affecting or harming someone’s money or property.
An interesting application of this law regards window shopping, a widely accepted practice many of us enjoy.
What could be wrong with window shopping?
Imagine you are a shop keeper and someone enters the store.
Your antennae goes up!
A potential customer. Immediately your hopes rise in anticipation of a sale.
If the shopper had absolutely no intention to buy anything the shopper is afflicting the shop owner by giving a false impression that a sale may be imminent.
Why is this action prohibited?
Simply because it will disappoint the seller.
This is one act of affliction that is to be avoided.
Why?
Because it will cause someone pain.
That level of sensitivity creates a refined spirit.
The Talmud states that if one enters a store with absolutely no intention to make a purchase,it is prohibited.
Do not panic.
All is not lost.
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