This week’s Torah portion is entitied Toldot and true to its name it gives us a glimpse into the Toldot or offspring of Isaac and Rebecca.
This portion is a manual in child rearing. Long before Dr. Becky, renowned child psychologist, the Torah is modeling how parents can connect to their children.
The Torah describes the twin boys born to Isaac and Rebecca. One son, Jacob, is studious and focused, an intellectual who sits in the tent of study. The second twin is Esau and he is the polar opposite. Esau is a hunter, a man of the field whose activities tend to be dubious at best.
Yet the Torah reports that Isaac loved Eisav because he brought him food.
This is a statement that requires analysis.
Isaac was a highly spiritual individual, the one chosen to be sacrificed on an altar, could he really love the wicked Eisav because he knew how to provide succulent steak?
Our Sages teach us that Isaac was very much aware of Eisav’s true nature
He recognized that Eisav was struggling in his faith.
Isaac realized the only way he could make an impact on Eisav was to build a relationship and connect with him. He realized that if he could find common ground and show Eisav that he was truly interested in Eisav’s passions he could create a bond between them.
Isaac understood that Eisav enjoyed hunting so he asked Eisav to go to the prairie and rustle up some vittles.
Rabbi Avi Fishoff in his book Raising Royalty explains that by making Eisav his personal chef, Isaac now had many avenues of conversation to share.
“Constant dialogue…constant compliments…constant connection.”
Rabbi Fishoff shares a story of a Dad who was struggling to connect to his son who was engaging in behaviors that were not appropriate. The Dad took stock of all his son’s interests and realized that bodybuilding was one of his most serious passions. The Dad approached his son and told him that his doctor had advised a 20 pound weight loss for health purposes (that was true). The Dad said to his son, “this is serious, I don’t know what to do. I would like to hire you to be my personal trainer to help me reach my goal.”
The son agreed and through the process of losing 20 lbs (which the Dad achieved) he also created a fun, meaningful and growth oriented connection with his son, a connection that had eluded him til now.
The Dad needed to use his wisdom to tap into where his son was at and use that as a vehicle to open the channels of communication.