When I was a little girl I was very careful not to upset my Mother. 

But being a little girl sometimes I did. 

There was one thing that would upset my Mother more than anything else. 

When I would fight with my sister. 

(Now I know you are shaking your head in disbelief, but fight I did!)

My Mother was an only child herself. Whenever we would fight she would always tell us

“I wish I had a sister. We never would have fought. Why on earth would you fight with a sister?”

Spoken like a person who never experienced sibling rivalry!

We are now in the midst of the 10 Days of Repentance. 

This an opportunity for us to take stock of our challenges and recalculate and recalibrate on the journey towards becoming a better version of ourselves. This culminates in Yom Kippur when we stand before Gd having done some repair. 

The Mishna in the Tractate Yuma states however, that Yom Kippur does not atone for sins committed between one person and another unless one has sought to appease whoever they have wronged and received forgiveness. 

The power of Yom Kippur to atone for sins cannot be activated unless we have assuaged any hurt feelings. 

This seems very challenging. How do we know how to do this?

We actually know exactly what to do!

Suppose you are the prized employee in a company and you are preparing a presentation for a major client. Your boss is counting on you to clinch the deal with your creative genius, and above all else you must come to the meeting on time. 

The client is a stickler for punctuality-if you are late the deal is over!

The morning of the meeting dawns bright and early and you calculate there is time for a cup of coffee and a croissant. 

Bad call. 

Everything goes downhill from there. 

As you race towards the meeting you concoct a million excuses, some of them quite far fetched, to explain your tardiness. And then you start to get angry at the client. Why does he have to be so inflexible? I am a creative genius after all, 5 minutes won’t matter. 

You arrive at the office 15 minutes late, an entire script of excuses ready, only to find the door locked. 

You are out of job. 

Now let’s change places in the scenario. 

What if you are the client. 

You care about timeliness but you have chosen a creative genius to represent you. As the clock ticks you start to think...perhaps there was a last minute inspiration that needed to be put to paper, or...creative people always lose track of time and items, perhaps the car keys were mislaid?

You concoct a million excuses in your head, some of them quite far fetched to excuse your muse for the lack of respect of time. 

Does that ring true?

When someone wrongs us we are so quick to judge. But when we are wronged we can find a myriad excuses to explain away a misdeed. 

Perhaps that’s how we should look at one another?

If we would give ourselves the benefit of the doubt why can’t we give that to another?

This is the trick we all carry in our own pockets. It’s called imitating Gd. 

It’s the “trick” of the 13 Attributes of Mercy that we will repeat over and over in the Yom Kippur prayers. 

In these Attributes we learn how Gd continues to grant life even to those who have used their gifts to sin. 

We in turn can learn from this to restrain our anger toward those who upset us and instead forgive. 

Gd feels the pain of his children, Gd doesn’t want us to fight. That pains Gd the most. 

We in turn need to imitate that and work on developing a deep connection to one another. We must feel each other’s pain and regale in each other’s joy. We can be merciful and forgive someone who has hurt us because we are family. 

This secret of the 13 Attributes was shared with Moses at a time the Jewish people had fatally sinned. Instead of punishing us, Gd  gave us the tools to get along, to forgive,  to make amends, and repair the rifts in our family. 

This gift has been ours all along, it was in our back pocket. 

The story is told of Rabbi Mendel Futerfas who was exiled to the Siberian gulag for the crime of observing Judaism. The work camp to which he was sentenced was extremely strict with many rules, one of which was forbidding card playing. 

Yet, every evening Rabbi Mendel watched his barrack mates engaging in lively game of cards. Someone informed on the group to the warden who conducted a thorough search. 

No cards. 

The next night another lively game ensued and once again the warden was informed. 

Thoroughly incensed he arrived the next evening with a combat troop of wardens who proceeded to systematically search the place. No corner was left untouched. 

No cards were found. 

The warden left in frustration. 

A few minutes later a new game of cards began.

A thoroughly impressed Rabbi Mendel approached the ringleader and professed his wonderment. The room had been ransacked. What was the trick?

The ringleader trusted Rabbi Mendel and shared what had transpired. He pointed to one of the card players and identified him as the best pickpocket in Moscow. So when the warden entered the room, this man slipped the cards into the warden’s own pocket. 

And when the search was over the pickpocket retrieved the cards. 

The elusive cards had been in the warden’s own pocket all along. 

The ability to access the power of Yom Kippur is in our very own pocket, perhaps where we are most least likely to look. 

We have the ability to forgive, we can find excuses to exonerate the other, we can make rapprochement. 

And just as we make efforts to repair even when it is challenging, so to we will be awarded with the gift of Gd looking away from our mistakes. 

Because a parent can overlook a lot when the children get along.