It’s been a wonderful summer. We are concluding a massive road trip, crisscrossing the East coast visiting and reconnecting with dear family and precious friends and mentors. 

I have seen a lot of people. 

But this week I was gifted with an insight regarding seeing someone. 

Really seeing someone. 

I paid a visit to an acquaintance who suffered the unimaginable loss of an only child. She told me her son passed away in her arms. 

I really didn’t know what to say. I listened to this bereaved mom share reminiscences of her precious child and my heart was breaking. 

She was so sad. 

She was mired in the devastating pain of her loss. 

I could not find any words to comfort her. 

And then she comforted me!

At one point I asked her how she is spending her days. 

I was astonished by her reaction to my query. 

She literally began to come to life before my eyes as she started to describe some of the initiatives she is spearheading in her community in memory of her son. He was a very bright and cerebral child, not much interested in sports.  So one of the projects she is creating in a local school is a special “recess closet” which will be stocked with age appropriate games and puzzles for kids who need activities other than sports. She eagerly shared some of her other projects and I was so inspired by her desire to support other children in order to commemorate her child. 

Then, she told me about the friendship bench!  

This is a special bench she is creating for the kindergarten in her neighborhood. She actually heard this idea from Sivan Rahav Meir, Israeli correspondent and Torah teacher, who reported on this idea which was initiated by a bereaved mom in Israel. 

The friendship bench is placed in the classroom. When a child sits on the bench they are communicating that they are feeling vulnerable or in need of a friend. 

They are asking to be seen. 

The friends in the class are taught to respond by reaching out in friendship. 

I was so touched by this concept. 

We all need to be seen. 

What a powerful way to allow a vulnerability to become a tool for love and connection. 

As we spoke further I felt I was in the presence of greatness. 

I “saw” this woman in a whole different way. 

She had suffered such an unspeakable tragedy yet she was finding solace in “seeing” others and trying to help them be seen. She was meeting them in their place of vulnerability and offering a loving hand in support. 

This week’s Torah portion is Shoftim and one of the mitzvas it teaches us about is the mitzva of accompanying a traveler. 

The case in point regards the discovery of an unidentifiable corpse between two cities, presumably a traveler. The elders of each city must come and measure the distance between the body and those two cities. Once they ascertain the closest city they partake in a ritual which includes announcing their innocence regarding the murder of the traveler. 

This seems superfluous. 

Would we really think the elders or leaders are responsible for the death of the traveler?  Why must they proclaim their innocence?

Rashi, Torah commentator, explains they are saying that since they did not “ see” him leaving the city, they didn’t give him food for the way or accompany him. 

Other commentators ask , why would giving a food basket or company for part of the way have helped? 

He was killed during the journey long after any accompanying party would have left and long after the snacks would have been consumed?

Rabbi Ruderman Zl, founding dean of Ner Israel Rabbinical College in Baltimore, shared the following insight: 

If the traveler had been sent off with respect and warmth, with the sense that someone actually noticed and “saw” him, this would have affected his confidence. The sense of self of the individual would have been uplifted and then perhaps he might have had the confidence and wherewithal to fight off the attacker. 

Or in the words of Rabbi Bender 

“Maybe we could have done more to build up the person so they would have the strength to triumph”. 

(As denizens of New York City, we were always taught to keep our wits about us and walk with confidence to deter a mugging)!

I saw many people this summer. 

And after my encounter this week I reviewed many of those interactions. 

I thought about who I really saw. 

I was inspired when I took note how many people are spending their days “seeing” others, noting vulnerabilities and needs  of those in their orbit and taking steps to extend a hand to help give strength so that the other can triumph. 

I must thank this heroic woman who opened my eyes to the reality that even in the place of pain and devastation, we can see the pain of another and reach out, to help another person triumph. 

That‘s what you call the ultimate sightseeing!

Shabbat Shalom and so much love!