How old are you?

When we are small children, that question is highly appropriate and is usually answered gleefully, with every quarter of a year carefully accounted for in the reply. 

As we mature, our response changes, we hope to look older than we are, as this will allow doors and experiences to become available to us, perhaps prematurely. 

The next stage is the opposite, as we do all we can to negate the passage of time and there is a vast industry devoted to helping us look younger than our stated age. 

And as we age, gracefully, hopefully, owning each wrinkle as a battle scar rightfully won, we hope we have achieved the highest level, when it is no longer proper to ask, how old are you?

In this week’s Torah portion, Vayigash, someone seems to commit a social faux pas. 

It is none other than Pharoah, the leader of the ancient world, who upon meeting Jacob for the first time, blurts out the words “how many are the days of your life?”

In plain English, how old are you?

The commentaries note the unusual nature of the King asking about the age of a tourist visiting his country. 

They explain that Jacob looked so very old, older than anyone Pharaoh had ever seen. 

Jacob responds to the implied question by saying, I am not as old as I look. I am not even nearly the age of Abraham, but I have prematurely aged due to the challenges I have encountered. 

There are 33 words in the verses that detail the interaction between Pharoah and Jacob. 

The Sages teach us that Gd was disappointed in Jacob’s reaction, as there were many miracles and rescues that happened to Jacob on those times and he is only focusing on the negative. 

Therefore due to his complaint, 33 years are deducted from Jacob’s life. 

This begs a question. 

The entire exchange was 33 words. We can perhaps understand why the words of complaint demand a deduction of time, but why do the words of the question itself, how old are you?, why are those words also included in the equation?

Our Sages teach us that it’s not only about the complaint, it’s also about the demeanor, the facial expression, that prompts such a question. 

“How old are you?

You look impossibly old, what on earth has happened to you?

Last week I shared a few vignettes about the mother of a friend who passed away. 

Since then I heard another one of her amazing mottoes and life hacks.

She would say “your face is a public domain”. 

What she meant by that is even if a person is grieving or struggling it is not necessary to burden everyone with that struggle. 

She would carry her challenges with great dignity and a joyful smile on her face which made her a magnet to all. 

It seems that she felt that shining her light outward would not only help others, it would help her too. 

This is the message that was conveyed to Jacob. He chose to allow the challenges to “date” him. 

When we calculate the length of our lives, we want to make sure that we make the most of every day. And each an every day we make a choice of how we present ourselves to the world, using our growth opportunities to illuminate our own selves and then turning it outward to reflect love and healing to others. 

So next time someone asks you 

How old are you?

Decide to take it as a challenge to shine. 

Shabbat Shalom and so much love!