So, one time, I met Adonis. 

Before you come to any wrong conclusions, Adonis - not as in a Greek God, nor Adonis as in someone strikingly handsome;

rather, a guy, whose name was actually Adonis. 

The burdens we place on our children, right!

Anyway, Batsheva and I had ordered a couch for our Jwcatlanta office and delivery was scheduled-with and by Adonis, who turned out to be a very affable gentleman. 

We exchanged pleasantries as he maneuvered the furniture through the door. The delivery took place on a very hot day and once the couch was installed, Adonis gratefully accepted the bottle of water we offered and sank down on the new couch.  He then turned to me conversationally and asked me how many years it’s been since I left Manhattan. 

I looked at him in surprise as I pride myself on my non New Yorker accent, but I guess a discerning ear can still perceive the intonation. 

But then he really shocked me by asking me exactly where on the Upper West Side of Manhattan I had lived. 

Then my mouth really dropped. No one has ever been able to discern that nuance!

Turns out, Adonis is a former policeman who’s beat was the Upper Westside of Manhattan. After I got over my shock at his perspicacity, he explained that his success as an officer was a result of his intense focus on the people in his orbit. He made it his business to listen carefully to every person he interacted with and to SEE each person in their challenges and pain. This led to his ability degree to recognize the subtlety of the accents  of his denizens and to know exactly where they came from. 

This week’s Torah portion is called Mishpatim which means laws. 

After the technicolor presentation of the Ten Commandments, we come down to earth with a bump, as this portion lists many laws which are to frame the daily interactions of our lives. There is a lengthy discussion of the laws of damages which detail the payments which need to be made should one cause harm to another. 

The Talmud states that a person who wants to be pious, the best version of themselves, needs to immerse themselves in the study of the laws of damages. 

This is a curious thought as piety would seem to indicate spirituality while damages focus on the material and the mundane. 

A 20th century Torah luminary and teacher, Rabbi Berezovsky, explains that a pious person is called a Chassid, one who goes above and beyond in his observance of the Torah. The word Chassid, he suggests, is connected to the word Chessed, which means loving kindness. 

Therefore, in order to be a pious person, one needs to be involved in loving kindness. 

The purpose of our existence is to continually transform ourselves and grow. 

Every choice a person makes will either diminish or enlarge them. 

How do we expand ourselves?

By seeing others. 

When we move away from an egocentric existence and “see” or “hear” the other, the more I can extend myself. 

The laws of damages are not limited to whose ox gored another ox (and ox can be modernized to Lexus, i.e. whose car hit another car), rather the laws of damages are the vehicle to sensitizing oneself to the needs of another. It will help us understand the ramifications of an event and how our actions can be detrimental to another. It can help us to instead become an instrument of loving kindness. 

The portion also talks about the Mitzva, the commandment, to return a lost object. 

This too is an example of an opportunity to key into human nature and having care for another be the driver of our behavior.

If we find something that belongs to someone else, and instead of ignoring it, or keeping it for ourselves, we think about the pain someone may be feeling due to the loss of his object. 

Rabbi Safran tells the story of two brothers who were playing in the woods on a snowy day. While playing they came upon a basketball which had initials printed on it. They deduced from the initials that the boy who lived at the edge of the woods must have lost it. 

Then the  discussion began. 

One brother said “finders keepers, it’s our lucky day and anyway that kid is nasty. I don’t feel the need to return the ball.”

The other brother insisted they return the basketball nonetheless. 

When they knocked on the door it was opened up cautiously by the possible owner. In response to his rather unfriendly greeting, the boys explained the finding of the ball. The young man’s suspicion turned to friendliness as he expressed his gratitude to them for returning the ball he had lost and then invited the brothers in for hot cocoa. 

A tense relationship turned into a warm friendship. 

Showing concern for another’s property is a way to show concern for the person. 

“It is a tangible act of kindness that helps to build peaceful relationships between people and can really improve our society”!

When the boys returned the ball the owner felt seen, his feelings of loss were validated and heard, and ultimately he felt someone cared about him. That allowed him to be vulnerable and in turn created a warmer reaction on his part. 

When we treat one another with justice and care, we are transforming ourselves and the world into a better place. 

Adonis taught me that when you listen carefully you can tell exactly where a person is from. 

And when you acknowledge a persons point of origin, whatever that may be, you can help them navigate their  journey, feeling cared for and supported!

Shabbat Shalom and so much love!